Building Confidence with Nicole Mutimer from Darwin Equestrian Academy

This article is from the January 2019 Horse Deals magazine

Confidence is having the belief to back yourself, even against the odds. It’s that sense of having everything under control and being able to handle whatever comes your way.

We often think that confidence is something that some people naturally have and others do not. But confidence comes from programming your brain to focus on a particular task or objective and controlling your emotions.

I have the privilege of working with a lot of adult riders and their most common fears are:
• Falling off/getting hurt
• Being judged – particularly amongst peers or at a competition
• Fear of failure – worrying about making mistakes or forgetting the test
• Not living up to expectations, letting themselves or their supporters down
• How the horse is going to behave

One of my favourite quotes is by Abraham Hicks who wrote, “Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.”

All of these concerns are normal, but it’s important to have some strategies in place so that you can focus on your ride instead of being consumed by the ‘what if’s’.

Falling off/getting hurt

A fear of falling off or getting hurt is really common and doesn’t necessarily have to be as a result of a past experience. We are all aware that there is a potential risk of falling off when you get on a horse. The question is, does that become your focus?

Your brain is a remarkable tool that can create almost any scenario that you can imagine. So be careful what you imagine...

Did you know that your focus words, act as an instruction or a procedure for your brain to follow. Keep in mind that your brain does not recognise precursors such as ‘don’t’, ‘not’ etc.

In other words, if your focus is ‘don’t fall off’, the instruction that your brain receives is minus the ‘don’t’... which equals ‘FALL OFF.’

It’s important to reword your self-talk and turn it into what you want to create. Remember, this is all about telling your brain what to do.

Fear after an accident

For riders that have had a fall or accident, its normal to be wary of not repeating that event again. Instinctively, your brain acts as a handbrake and its job is to keep you out of danger. In order to do that, your brain will analyse the event and identify a potential catalyst. Once your brain has determined what was the cause, it will actively avoid the same scenario.

What you attach to the event, determines how you deal with it.

It can be interesting to discover what riders have attached to an event. Keeping in mind that it doesn’t have to be logical or even reasonable. Remember that we are dealing with the brain in all of its complexity.

I have worked with riders who have attributed an accident to a particular type of showjump (oxer) because that was the fence that they fell off at, or another rider that believed that it was blue jump poles, or it might be a particular horse, or a particular activity such as canter.

When we break down the event, often it becomes quite clear that the catalyst was not the spread fence or oxer. The rider may have already jumped a number of spread fences successfully on that jump round, but the loss of line and rhythm leading up to the jump caused the fall. It gives us something tangible to work with and something that you can control.

Be mindful that whatever catalyst you attach to the event, you need to be able to eliminate. As a showjumper its not possible to eliminate spread fences without eliminating the activity all together. So instead of giving up jumping, label the catalyst with something that you can influence e.g., a loss of line and rhythm, work on improving that and continue on your journey as a showjumper. It must be something that you can influence.

Fear from association

It’s quite common for riders to lose confidence after seeing someone else have a fall or even just hearing of a bad riding accident.

Instinctively, what we will do is draw similarities between our own circumstances and that of the rider that has had the fall. In doing so, we determine a ‘cause’ and attach all the same negative emotions as if it has happened to us.

So, instead I would encourage riders to identify all of the things that make their circumstances completely different to that of the rider who has had the fall.

I worked with an adult rider who had lost her confidence to ride after a friend had experienced a bad accident. As she explained to me what had happened, she also described the similarities between herself and her friend’s circumstances. They were both middle age, recreational riders with families and financial commitments. The hardship of her friend’s unfortunate situation was something that she could relate to.

However, the more questions I asked the more these two pictures did not match and it became quite obvious that there were a string of events that led to the accident, none of which were compatible with my rider or her circumstances. She then had enough evidence to believe that this incident did not fit her situation at all.

Once you can identify all of the inconsistencies and factors that do NOT match your situation then you can clearly separate yourself from that event. You can be sympathetic to someone’s plight without owning it.

Being judged

Many riders struggle with the confidence to ride in front of other people, that might be in a lesson situation, adult riding club or at a competition. The good news is that its normal, 100% normal. You just have to learn how to silence your inner critic and allow yourself some space to grow.

Firstly, we will all subconsciously rank ourselves amongst our peers. To feel comfortable, you will want to be ranked, at least in the middle of the pack in terms of ability. The problem with that, is nobody starts at the top. Make the leap and burn the bridge behind you! There’s no going back. Get used to stretching yourself, in small amounts but often.

A lot of our anxiety comes from the fear of not fitting in, of being at the bottom, of holding up other riders in a lesson, or looking like you’re out of your depth. And the big one... fear of what other people are going to say. Trust me, what you say to yourself is probably much worse than anyone else is saying.

Remind yourself that you have worked hard and you deserve to be there. On most occasions, you have even paid to be there, so that’s your time to shine! Don’t compare yourself to others, just focus on your ride.

I recall a good friend, who was a learner adult rider doing her first competition at a local show. She was incredibly nervous and worried about looking foolish. I remember watching her ride the pattern, which was far from a polished performance, but at the end of her workout she received a huge applause from the crowd who absolutely appreciated her courage. I think in that moment, unknowingly, she probably inspired a number of women to try.

For every adult rider out there having a go and stretching themselves outside of their comfort zone, there are another three on the sidelines wishing that they had the courage to do that.

Be kind to yourself

I hear women say a lot of really negative things about themselves – “I know I’m not a very good rider, I’m useless, I’m a slow learner, I don’t have the skills” and so on.

Talk to yourself as you would a friend! If I had a friend that talked to me the way a lot of women talk to themselves - we wouldn’t be friends for very long.

Nurture your self confidence and it will grow. You are, what you believe to be true. Change your self-talk to something encouraging like, ‘Im growing’ or ‘Im progressing’.

Fear of failure

Lets face it, nobody wants to fail at anything. But don’t let the fear of failing stop you from making an attempt. Refining skill takes time and many hours of repetition. All successful athletes have failed 100 times before they’ve mastered their craft.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes! Much of our learning is through trial and error.

In training, stretch a little, challenge your efficiency and time frames and don’t expect to nail it the first time (if you do, then you haven’t stretched enough). Be prepared to tweak one more thing with each attempt until you get it right.

The importance of play

In almost all species, play is a really important tool for learning and honing skills. Many young animals develop agility, co-ordination, predatory and defensive techniques through mock play.

The major benefit to ‘play’ based learning is that if you are having fun, skills are learnt much more rapidly and without overthinking or anxiety.

You don’t have to ride around in ever decreasing circles. You’ll be surprised what skills you’ll learn if you start incorporating games, include some friends and have fun.

Celebrate your milestones

I think in our culture, we are very much conditioned to be humble and not to ring our own bell. The problem with this is that we are often too modest to celebrate our milestones – big or small.

Don’t talk it down, or dismiss it. Own it and enjoy it. That doesn’t mean that you have to scream it from the roof tops, but just to allow yourself to enjoy the moment, to soak it in and to graciously accept compliments. The more positive emotions you can attach to an activity the more you will seek to replicate it. It’s a very useful tool to motivate you to work harder.

Forgetting your dressage test or pattern

We’ve all heard and can relate to the funny little blurb that say’s ‘your brain operates 24/7 from the time you are born until you ride down the centreline in a dressage test.’

A big source of anxiety for a lot of riders is about forgetting the pattern. As a result, they are carrying so much anxiety into the test, that their thoughts are completely overshadowed and inevitably, they lose their way.

Once again, most riders self-talk will be ‘don’t forget the test.’ Your setting yourself up to fail! Remember if you take out the ‘don’t’ the key words that are left are the focus. So, change your focus into what you want to create, something like ‘I know my test and I’m prepared.’

Not meeting expectations

This can be about riders not meeting their own expectations, or letting down the coach, the team or other supporters. The thought of letting others down has some fairly strong negative emotions associated.

What’s important is that you focus on your ride, not what anyone else is doing or what people are thinking or what might go wrong etc. In all of that, you have failed to do the one job that will determine the outcome... your ride!

There will be plenty of time to analyse and critique when you’re finished, but until then every ounce of energy and focus must be on the task at hand. It can be useful to prompt yourself with ‘next job’ throughout your ride, so that you don’t get stuck in your head or on the stride that wasn’t perfect.

Don’t apologise

Remember that it is perfectly OK to be where you are right now in your riding. I often have riders apologise in lessons for not getting something right, or because I’ve had to repeat the same thing over and over. Riding is complex and it’s a process of collecting pieces of the puzzle. You might hear the same thing ten times, but you have to wait for that piece that ‘fits’ in the puzzle and makes it all click. So don’t apologise, repetition is an important part of learning.

How is my horse going to behave?

No one said riding is easy. You’re relying on a 500kg animal with a highly developed flight response to play nicely. This, in itself can cause a lot of stress for riders, but you have to let go of the emotion and just ride the feet. The measure of a skilled rider is how they treat their horse when things aren’t going so well. Despite my horse’s behaviour, I always want to be able to leave feeling happy with how I rode, because that’s the one thing that I can control.

In order to take back control of your riding, you must know yourself. Be aware of your thoughts, your energy and your emotions – you can’t control something you don’t know. Consciously re-direct your focus onto what you want to create and silence your inner critic. Actively replace negative thoughts with positive ones so that it becomes a habit. This is a skill and it requires practice. The good news is that you can practice it in your everyday life, at work and at home.

Happy riding and remember to play.

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