Riding after Kids with Dr. Amanda Jefferys

This article is from the October 2019 Horse Deals magazine.

Life has chapters… that’s how life works… One amazing chapter is the chapter where we have our families. Cherished are the years of no sleep, caring and nurturing others, and learning true acts of kindness and compassion as the wellbeing of the family unit over rides our own personal needs. Some of us are blessed and are able to enjoy our horses throughout this period whilst many put their horse interests aside whilst negotiating the demands of this very busy chapter of life.

One of life’s challenges includes identifying the chapters of life that bring us optimal pleasure, true joy in life. And returning to our chosen pursuits post the immediate needs of family life and thus establishes true anchor points to experience a life of fulfilment and happiness.

Our families, our children, and our partners want to see you happy… don’t shy away from the essence of you, even if you have had a bit of a different chapter running for a while.

Interestingly, our perspective takes a real shift post having our children, both sexes become more protective of their personal capacity with awareness of inherent potential risk that may threaten their growing family. Indeed, it is imperative consideration be given to ensure we have the right mounts that are safe, and we feel we can grow into our sport again.

The fear response is very normal, we have flight/fight responses just like our horses, and horses are a flight animal by nature. And yet life cannot be lived in fear… and anxieties and lack of confidence are able to be addressed.

One error often evidenced is an adult living through their child’s achievements, which occasionally can put additional pressures on a young person as they strive to meet parental expectation. Consider whether you may benefit by addressing your own response, feelings, or behaviour and how it may model personal growth if you addressed your own necessary growth.

Notably, confidence can be elusive post children, and yet our children should have the benefit of seeing their parents embracing their passions. Lack of confidence is a very normal human response particularly post children, understandably as we strive to protect our loved ones from potential pain. However, those that are willing can utilise this for transformation and personal growth. You see humans make attempts often to control, control life, control what happens, control our future, and yet control is an illusion and we are unable to guarantee by responding with control we will remain safe! Life happens, health fails, circumstances change in the blink of an eye and all the anxieties or control you may have thought and contained yourself results in pain.

Alternatively, we could challenge ourselves, build confidence, practice acceptance that life is not controllable, but can be lived, embraced, explored and challenged in amazing healthy and fun ways. Life is to be lived…

My tips if you are wanting to get back after children:
1. Look after your whole self; physical, psychological, and spiritual- strive to be the best version of you.
2. Gather a support team- family, friends, coaches- those that support you to be all you can be!
3. Learn about a ‘growth mindset’ and adopt this into daily life.
4. Challenge yourself, but make smaller achievable targets whilst you build capacity and celebrate the small successes.
5. Practice mindfulness - the ‘smiling mind’ app is my favourite!
6. Tune into ‘your values’ what is important to you, when are you thriving in life?

Martin Seligman’s research has provided evidence of the benefit of striving to be a human whom is ‘flourishing’. Seligman fosters the growth of happiness, love, gratitude, meaning, personal growth, accomplishment as variables of flourishing, and through these attributes, we can glimpse a vision for our life, and thus create a workable map forward. Those of us that have horses in our blood, can’t let go, indeed you are doing yourself a great disservice if your passions are not fostered and can be achieved in many ways.

If you feel you are missing your mojo, reach out, sports psychologists like myself in this day and age offer numerous approaches that work well and technology bridges the geography.
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Dr. Amanda Jefferys - www.willowcroft-stud.com.au
Registered Clinical and Health Psychologist. B. Psych (Hons). M Health Psych. Doctorate of Clinical and Health Psych. FCCLP, FCHP, MAPS. Registered Fitness Professional.

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