Heartbreak to Hope

This story is from the March 2019 Horse Deals magazine.

To say that Meg Oliver’s story of the last eighteen months has been a roller coaster would be an understatement. You’ll often hear equestrians say nothing ever really goes to plan with horses and that certainly rings true for Meg, with devastation, grief, hope and thankfulness all rolled into one confusing package. So let’s go back to where the series of events all started; the arena...

Meg, the beginning of this particular story starts with a freak accident. Can you tell us about what happened?
In the previous six months, Pixie and I had been consistently jumping 130cm in competition and training 140-150cm with our coach. We were an experienced team, Pixie having the scope of ten horses and me the confidence in her to match. Pixie really was the horse I’d always dreamed of owning. In late September 2017, we were gearing up for Loxton Show I was training over some difficult bent lines around 110cm. I came around on a bent line and possibly didn’t get Pixie quite straight enough to an oxer combination. She slipped in the back end, unintentionally sending me flying into the ground “like a dart” I was later told. My precious Pixie ran over to me nickering wondering what had happened herself. I remember hitting my forehead hard and the sound of my helmet sliding along the arena base, and the thump of poor Pixie’s head as it hit the ground, it was terrifying! Although rattled, luckily my beautiful girl was fine. As for me, I sustained two fractures in my neck and a bulging disc.

I was on an experienced horse, riding on a good arena surface, under instruction, it was just a freak accident. Luckily I had a good well fitting helmet on, which the doctors said 100% saved my life. Fortunately, I didn’t have to have surgery, however I was in a neck brace for eight weeks and off work for four months.

When did you find out you wouldn’t be able to continue riding over the next year and how did you respond to this news?
I was cleared to go back to work four months after the accident, however the doctors highly discouraged me to ever get back into the saddle at all. When they realized I was a “crazy horse girl”, it was strongly suggested I give my neck 12 months to heal properly. The main risk being the disc in my neck moving into my spinal cord if I ever fell off again, particularly so soon after the initial injury, therefore jumping was completely out of the question. I was disappointed to say the least, I have been riding since I was three years old so like many equestrians, it’s a massive part of who I am. I missed riding terribly and all I wanted to do was get back into the saddle. Evidently I did end up riding a few of my trainer’s horses, but no jumping!

As a result of being unable to ride you made two life changing decisions; one - to put your treasured heart horse into foal and two - to start a family of your own with husband Luke. How did you make these big decisions and what type of planning was put into each?
In all honesty, I knew the only way I’d stop jumping Pixie was if I put her into foal and after explaining that to my non-horsey husband, he agreed. Luke also knew that the plan had always been “when Pixie has a baby, we have a baby too” in his eyes this would keep me off the horses for a while and having a baby was something he’d been ready for, for a long time. As for me, I’d been well ready for a baby of my own, but had been too stubborn to give up jumping to start a family and it seemed maybe the universe was telling me it was time.

The plan had always been to do an embryo transfer with Pixie because she was so talented and special to me I never wanted anything to happen to her. However six months prior to all this I felt something wasn’t quite right with Pixie and after x-rays we found out she had began developing arthritis in a front leg (not great for a jumper). Pixie responded well to the vets management of her arthritis and I was lucky in the fact if she was ever uncomfortable she’d let me know. But this meant her jumping days were then greatly limited. As a younger mare she used to steal the potty cows on the farm and mother them. I thought to myself Pixie’s favourite things are being fed, being in the paddock full of grass and pretending to be a mother to whatever horse she was in with. So perhaps it would be a nice thing to give her the chance to be a real mum and eat herself silly for a year or two. In turn producing me my next jumping horse.

We spent a lot of time researching which stallion would compliment Pixie and not create a “big” foal for her to try and carry. We were incredibly lucky that Pixie took to my chosen stallion Eurosport Heartbreaker first shot. And little did I know, I fell pregnant three weeks after the decision was made to begin to “not, not try to have a baby.”

The arrival of your son Harry was two months before Pixie was due to foal. Did everything go to plan with his arrival? What were the challenges of having your mare due so soon after your new addition?
We really thought it would take me a bit longer to get pregnant, I was expecting to be giving birth after Pixie, however it just didn’t happen that way. I ended up going a week over due and then was induced. Child birth was not something I was prepared for, nor anything I’ll forget anytime soon, however the result has changed our lives and we are so, so grateful for our little Harry!
Having a newborn was stressful let alone a mare about to foal, luckily I had booked Pixie in to a facility to foal down, as I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do it myself. Pixie was moved there October 16th just in case she decided to foal early. It turned out that the person I had booked Pixie in with was going away when Pixie was due to foal, therefore she was moved to a vet nurses facility the week of her due date.

What did life look like the day of Pixie foaling?
In the early hours of Sunday the 2nd of December I was awake feeding Harry and I thought to myself, I wonder if Pixie is foaling right now... little did I know my worst nightmare was unfolding.

At 7am I got a phone call and I was told Pixie had died during birth and the vet was on the way. I fell apart instantly, I was told the foal was fine but we had to find a mare. Thank goodness the vet nurse where Pixie was staying jumped into action and started a social media venture with local vet clinics to try and get a mare asap. I didn’t even ask if the foal was a filly or a colt, all I did was cry. It was like I could literally feel my heart breaking and then all I felt was utter guilt.

I found out later that as the foal was being born, he kicked and put his foot through an artery causing Pixie to bleed out in a matter of minutes. I was assured by multiple professionals, that even if there was six vets lined up, scrubbed and ready to operate they wouldn’t have been able to save her, it was just, another, freak accident.

How did you cope with the stress and anxiety of losing your mare and urgently trying to find a foster mare for your orphaned foal?
I was incredibly lucky that the wonderful vet nurse Sandie did all the leg work finding the mare. She took the phone calls and messages conveying with me and the vet along the way. I was also very lucky to have my parents staying with us at the time (they normally live in Queensland). Mum being a vet nurse herself and had recently helped her vet bottle feed a foal in a similar situation to what we were facing. My parents bred Pixie and we were all there when she was born 12 years prior, so this was a very traumatic time for us all, but I’m so incredibly grateful they were here to help me.

Honestly, I don’t know how I coped with the situation other than leaning on my husband and family, looking at my beautiful Harry and knowing I had to hold it together for him because he didn’t deserve to have a sad mum. I also threw myself into organizing what I could, for example getting Pixie’s body moved, a hole dug and people to do it for me. At this point I don’t think it had really sunk in. Again I was lucky that Mum, Dad, Luke and a friend that lives near by were all there to help bury Pixie on a spot I’d chosen on our property. Mum dug her heels in and didn’t let me see Pixie after she had died. This was one of the kindest things she could have done, because my memories aren’t tarnished.

One of the hardest things has been dealing with the utter guilt that I feel, I did this to Pixie, I chose to put her into foal, and in turn the only person I can blame is myself.

What was the process of finding a foster mare?
Sandie started a Facebook campaign, I shared it and so did many, many of my friends. I also joined as many foster mare Facebook pages that I could find and posted ads. Sandie was amazing in the fact that we actually had many offers. A lot of people wanted to take the foal and Sandie knew after what had just happened, that this just was not an option. I truly feel Sandie, being a lady I didn’t know, just threw herself into this situation and worked really hard to ensure Elfin got the best possible chance. I am truly eternally grateful. Sandie and the vet choose the most suitable mare as they were the experts. On the Sunday afternoon, the call came through from Sandie to advise that she had found a suitable mare, I got in contact with my parents and they went and picked her up.

The mare that brought hope to the situation was an unusual candidate. Can you tell us about Hooly?
Hooly Dooly, aka Hooly is a rather rotund Thoroughbred x Quarter Horse and has actually never had a foal of her own, which is rare for a foster mare. It turns out she just steals them! The owner told me that previously a foal had fallen under a fence on her property and Hooly starting running milk and mothering the foal. This time round, Hooly’s owner had purchased a two year old horse and Hooly had decided it was her baby and began to produce milk for it. I owe so much to this mare, she is truly special for what she is doing for Elfin.

What was the process of introducing Hooly to Elfin and then getting him feeding?
As Sandie and the vet said, Elfin was a little fighter from the moment he hit the ground (much like his mum). He actually drank from Pixie when she had already passed which I was told is generally unheard of. Sandie managed to track down extra colostrum and he took to the bottle instantly which I was told is not often the case either.

Later that evening I received a phone call followed by a video from Sandie (who was in happy tears) because she had finally gotten Elfin to drink from Hooly, this was a massive win! After two plasma transfusions due to failed IgG’s (antibodies) we got to take Elfin and Hooly home to my property in Wistow. Elfin was four days old and he was still bottle fed every two hours, 24 hours a day for the first two weeks as Hooly wasn’t producing enough milk. We had Hooly on a course of particular drugs to help bring her milk in, but it takes a minimum of two weeks to work if it’s going too, and luckily it did.

After the initial two weeks we cut out some night feeds and then began to stretch the time between bottles. Mum and I worked around the clock, we had two note pads one for baby Elfin and Hooly and one for baby Harry. Harry’s was the easiest because he just had the times in which I’d breast fed him (every 1-2 hours). Elfin on the other hand, had feeding times, how much he’d drank, if either of them had urinated or passed manure, Hooly’s water intake, if/when drugs had been given and what we’d fed her. We had trouble getting Hooly to eat and drink for the first month as she was adjusting to the new surroundings and life as a mum, she is also prone to laminitis so we had to keep that in mind too.

As for Elfin, I was so lucky Mum had her vet in Queensland Dr Leah McLellan, an expert in breeding and foals, (and also a friend) that was happy to answer any questions. She was a tremendous support. Leah also had an amazing (and easy) foal milk recipe using cows milk, brown sugar and baby vitamins. Yes I was skeptical, however Elfin thrived and he didn’t have a single day of scouring.

How are they both now?
Elfin had his last bottle on the 20th of January, it felt like we reached a real milestone and he could finally just be a foal. But on the other hand, I was a little sad because he really is my other baby and he’s growing up so fast. Elfin has truly thrived, the odds for orphan foals isn’t good but he just wanted to live. Hooly isn’t a ridden horse so it’s almost like she was put on this earth to be a mum and she is just incredibly happy that she has her very own baby. Her owner has visited and agrees she is just content. Elfin is halter broken, has a rug when it’s cold and has already had three farrier visits - we are very proud of him.

Having a newborn is a test for any new mum, but how did you manage a newborn child, grieving over losing your heart horse and taking care of an orphan foal all in one?
Often Luke had said “I don’t know what we’d do if anything ever happened to Pixie” because my relationship with her was just so strong. As all equestrians know there is always that one horse that’s your heart horse, which you love like no other, she really was everything to me. Pixie was born when I was 15, she was actually bred to be Dad’s trail riding horse but at the ripe old age of six months old she started jumping the fences to get to better grass and I don’t mean fumbling over them and getting stuck, I mean trotting up and jumping them like a showjump. It was from that point on, Dad didn’t have a chance. I grew up with Pixie, trained her and we were a team like nothing I had ever experienced before. Pixie was the reason I achieved many of my dreams in showjumping, I owe so much to her.

Emotionally, this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to overcome, and I have resigned to the fact I won’t ever get over the loss of Pixie but I’ll get better at dealing with it. I managed because I had awesome support from my husband, family and friends. When Elfin arrived home there was a point I was struggling to love him, to even look at him. The loss of Pixie resulting in a baby that looked just like her and had less than great odds for survival – I didn’t want to get attached because what if I lost him too? Could I deal with more heartbreak? It took my husband Luke saying to me “you need to pull yourself together, Pixie has left you this baby to look after, that’s all you have of her now and you need to give it everything she would have, do it for her.” It was like it just changed something in me and I threw everything I had left into looking after that foal.

Baby Harry is a very placid boy who I was so lucky to have, ultimately I think I wouldn’t have gotten through it if I didn’t have Harry. As I’m sure most mothers know, that mothering instinct to care for and protect your child no matter what takes over your entire being as soon as you give birth. I knew I needed to eat and drink to make milk for him, I had to smile for him, I needed to love for him so he could be happy. It was hard to force a smile but you do it because you have to.

I also feel my family really stepped in and made me say goodbye. I didn’t want to and they really made it happen and by that I mean walk down to Pixie’s grave with music, flowers and carrots. I sat with my baby Harry in my arms at her grave and put our lucky competition saddle pad and fly hood down with her and said “we jumped bloody big jumps girl, I love you so much, until we meet again.” We all sat, cried and talked about the good, the bad and the ugly times we had with our precious girl. It was after that moment I truly let myself love Elfin.

What likeness does Elfin have to his mum Pixie?
When Pixie was a few minutes old she whinnied at me and she continued to do so every time I called her name, she was rather vocal to say the least. Elfin does exactly the same thing, the day that I called out “Elfin” and he whinnied back, I shed a number of tears, it was something I loved about Pixie. He also ever so calmly attempted to jump out of our arena, luckily it’s extremely high and he didn’t realize there was a top rail and he hit his forehead. I think most of all it’s his nature and personality, he just acts how she did when she was young. He is one of two extremes; quiet and sleepy or running around like a crazy animal. He also is stubborn like Pixie was and can throw a complete performance about something he isn’t sure about, making it seem I have the most terrifying horse to then just stand there and let it happen seconds later. It may sound like a trait that I wouldn’t have wanted but it was one of the reasons I loved Pixie, it made teaching her so rewarding. As it is with Elfin.

How have the events over the last 18 months changed your view on life?
I find this very hard to put into words, in a sense I feel lucky the last 18 months have given me Harry, Elfin, a new property, a job promotion and I overcame breaking my neck. But then it also took from me a massive part of my life that I wasn’t finished with yet. Pixie was supposed to live out her days on this property with my son having pony rides while I took her for a stroll. Bittersweet really. My view on life changed the day Harry was born, he fulfilled me, he makes me want to be better in everything I do. But when Pixie passed a little part of that fulfillment went with her because she held a massive part of who I am.

What’s the most important lesson you have learnt?
Grief is hard and everyone deals with it differently. I was sad but angry, overall it was the guilt I had to work through most. Take every day at a time and allow yourself to feel, a “brave face” doesn’t do anyone any favors. It may sound sad but the more you love, the more you have to loose. The old saying rings true, it is much better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.

Overall I learnt that I am strong, I did the thing I never thought I could, the thing I dreaded, the thing I feared – I got through the loss of my beautiful girl and I am OK.

Looking forward, what are your future plans for gorgeous Elfin?
Elfin translates to Pixie in German, there is a lot of German history in the Adelaide Hills. We call him “Pixie’s little elf” and I’m hoping to register him as My Hearts Memory as he is by Eurosport Heartbreaker and Pixie’s competition name was My Megapixel. My stunning little man will live the life of luxury with me as his mother did, I’m hoping he will showjump in the future, that’s why I bred him as it’s what I love to do. His pedigree says he should but time will tell. The idea of keeping him as a stallion was tossed around, however this isn’t feasible or responsible in my opinion. Ultimately, I just hope he can be even half the horse Pixie was because her temperament and talent were to die for.

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